The proposal - now how is THAT supposed to work?

Once I realized that marrying Calvin was a very real part of my future, the questions started. Would I propose to him, or would he propose to me? When and where should it happen? And should there be engagement rings? Clearly 100 years of Hollywood's boy-meets-girl-and-gets-married films hadn't prepared me for this.



Hollywood didn't do a very good job in
helping me prepare for proposing to Calvin.


I decided to take the initiative and propose. Okay, one decision down, a million more to go. How would I go about it? A song and full-length music video a la Danny Rose? Perhaps get my former comrades from the Chicago Spirit Brigade to help me create a unique stunt-inspired proposal? Clearly a public display was necessary - after all, big moments involve a flash mob, don't they?

So for weeks I went over ideas in my head, discarding each one as impractical, ridiculous, or both.

Finally I decided on something that seemed a bit more reasonable. I would set up a surprise party for his birthday (early October) and in front of all our friends I would get down on one knee and propose. Tasteful, but not over the top (it would be filmed, of course).

Then, while gleefully assembling my proposal "event," I was hit with a cold slap of reality. A mutual friend let me know that Calvin had shared with her that if I ever proposed to him in a big public setting, he would say "No."

What?

Okay, perhaps I hadn't taken into account Calvin's generally quiet, reserved nature. But still, I was mad. Fuming. How dare he inadvertently ruin my proposal?

And in the days that followed, I thought more about the entire idea. What was I thinking? My proposing to Calvin was between the two of us. Why did I think it needed to be a public event? Was this about love or about my ego?

I ultimately came up with a new plan. On Christmas Eve of 2013 I took him out to a nice dinner, and in a private booth I read him a list of all the reasons why I loved him, and then I asked him to marry me. He said "yes."

Then he looked at me oddly.

"Why the look?" I asked.

He smiled and said "I was going to propose to you tomorrow. Who in the world proposes on Christmas Eve?"

We laughed. We were on the same wavelength, just a few hours apart.

Despite my initial dreams of proposing to Calvin
in a big public setting with a flash mob, I ultimately
proposed over a simple, private dinner at The Elite Café.

All roads lead to...San Francisco

After nearly three years of staying warm in chilly Chicago, Calvin surprised me with a question one night.

"How would you feel about living in San Francisco?"

The question was a surprise because we had discussed how we expected to always stay in Chicago (despite the weather). I had a large group of friends there, and Calvin, a University of Chicago grad, had a large network of contacts there as well, despite the fact that he was actually from Singapore.

However, it turned out that Calvin had been offered his dream job out in the City by the Bay. A Math genius, Calvin had been working as an options trader in downtown Chicago, but hoped to one day teach highly gifted Math students. The position in San Francisco would give him the opportunity to locate and mentor highly gifted Math students from around the world, particularly India.

When I met Calvin, I had no idea one day I
would be moving with him to San Francisco.

As a trade magazine editor I was able to work from any location, so I knew that would not be a problem, so it only took a moment for me to realize my answer was "yes."

And then in the summer of 2013, Proposition 8 was struck down in California and DOMA was repealed at the national level. Suddenly a legal marriage was possible.

Now the thing we had joked about was possible.

And that was when things began to get interesting.

After all these years, could it really be possible that two men
who loved each other could get legally married?