Can I put a ring on it?

In my last post I described getting to the point of actually proposing to Calvin, but there was a topic that deserved its own post - engagement rings.

While I realize that same-sex couples aren't required to follow wedding traditions used by opposite-sex couples, I think it's safe to say at the very least we use them as a model. So when it came time to propose to Calvin, I found myself confused about whether I should present him with an engagement ring.

I asked around and did some research. I was surprised to learn that some straight couples are beginning to exchange engagement rings. In fact, some enterprising retailers are trying to get the term "Mangagement Ring" into popular use (I don't see that happening). However, the same-sex couples (male) that I spoke to seemed to each have their own variation on the engagement ring. In one case, one proposed with a man's engagement ring. When his beloved said "yes," they went and bought a second, matching ring so they each could have one. Then, when the wedding came, they switched their engagement rings to their right hands and wore standard wedding rings on their left hands.

In another case, one partner offered a box with both wedding rings in it for his proposal. Although the intent was to exchange them at the wedding, his partner liked the ring so much that they started wearing them immediately, removing them the day before the wedding and re-introducing them at the ceremony.

I was surprised to learn that male engagement rings
have gone in and out of style since at least the 1920s.

 

In yet another case, a couple got engaged without rings, then went and got matching engagement rings that were later soldered to their wedding rings, similar to the current bridal practice.

These were all good ideas. The only problem was that Calvin hates rings. Perhaps hate is too strong. He just doesn't like to wear them. We bought some inexpensive matching metal rings a year or so after we began dating, but Calvin was always taking his off, saying it was too big, and that it "bothered him," and tended to get in his way while driving and typing.

So, after all my hand-wringing (no pun intended), I finally decided not to offer him an engagement ring. Instead, I decided it made more sense if we spent our money on the actual wedding rings and found something he was comfortable wearing. That way we could go to the jewelry store together and it would be an experience - and one day a fond memory - we could share.

Ultimately we decided to go without engagement rings,
opting instead to spend a bit more on our actual wedding rings.